Sex & The Brain: How Psychology Led Me to Career As A Webcam Model
Sex work and Psychology. In my mind, the two go hand-in-hand. However, for many they are worlds apart. If you would have asked me five years ago if I saw myself as a full-time adult content creator I would have looked at you with eyes of shock, disbelief, and probably a bit of insult. And to be fair, that's exactly what kind of reaction I had one day when a friend of mine brought the idea of being a webcam model to my attention. After I was able to process through my "What kind of woman does he think I am?!" phase I couldn't help but allow my curiosity to take over.
Prior to then, my only knowledge of camming and online sex centered solely around my few brave ventures onto Omegele & Chatroulette where after just a few short minutes, I was fatigued & overwhelmed by the sheer number of people simply looking to act out their exhibitionist fantasies. It was a whole new world, one that I was certain I had no place in. Yet, as I strayed further & further from what I perceived to be the seedy corners of the internet I found myself being more & more intrigued by sex & sexuality in my day-to-day life.
In college while studying for my undergraduate degree I took a Human Sexuality course one spring semester and it was then I realized that my personal and professional passions could actually coexist with one another. My professor was an openly gay man in his 50s with curly hair that spiraled all over his head. He would bounce up and down when he talked about a subject that intrigued him. He was born catholic & even completed seminary school before realizing that his lifestyle greatly conflicted with his religious upbringing. I will never forget how enthusiastic and passionate he was about sexual expression and sexual wellness and I could feel that enthusiasm ignited something more in me. By the time I graduated undergrad and decided to go back to school to receive my master's degree I knew that I wanted to continue my psychological studies. When I found a degree program focusing on Sex Therapy & Clinical Counseling I knew I quickly enrolled & happily told everyone that I knew. While I was met with many "congrats", I did get the occasional "Why that major instead of ___?" a few times. I could tell they were more confused than excited. I guess you could say that was preparation for the future.
One day while scrolling through my Instagram explore page I stumbled across a model named Nellie*. Nellie had long straight brown hair, a gorgeous smile, and was a tattoo collector who loved to share vegan baking recipes on her story. Simple enough. I was instantly drawn to her style & charisma and without much thought followed her page.
One day, Nellie made a post saying that she was going live in few hours. Being the new fangirl that I was, I excitedly waited for the designated time & clicked on the bright blue link in her bio. Almost instantaneously I found myself being greeted by big green & white text reading "MYFREECAMS.COM". And there she was; sitting topless in her living room laughing along with the 125 other people that already beat me here. Every couple of minutes a loud chime would jar me from my confusion followed by a bright yellow banner reading "JohnDoe69 has tipped 200 tokens". Like clockwork, Nellie would shake and bounce up & down in sheer excitement while thanking Mr. Doe and after a while the chimes started pouring in every few seconds. Within 15 minutes of my arrival Nellie was naked and covered on baby oil; & had racked up 700 tokens.
My visits to Nellie didn't stop there & after a week I found myself staying for longer & longer. Not because I was fascinated by her naked body, but because I enjoyed seeing a part of her life that was not visible on my Instagram feed. While Nellie spent 90% of her time naked, I remember more about her stories of drunk nights with friends & watching her play with her puppy than what the intimate details of her body look like. I remember watching celebrate her "cammiversary" with her members & cake sitting before rolling around in frosting more than I remember what kind of "cum show" she put on that night. The thing that kept me coming back wasn't her body, it was her personality.
As the months passed Nellie became less & less active online & eventually chose to close the lid on her camgirl career and settle into motherhood. However, a seed had been planted inside me and I found myself daydreaming about what it would be like to have adoring fans online, just like Nellie. In a matter of months, after Nellie's last stream I made and account on not one, but two camsites. It was another three weeks before I finally did my first cam show. I finished my first show feeling exhilarated & nervous. What had I just done? One day turned into two, two turned into three, & before I knew it I'd been camming and entire month & was building a small fan base.
One of my first regulars was an older gentleman that worked as a spirituality professor at a local university named Jack*. I would perform for Jack once a week while he would steal a few minutes away and hide in his office to pleasure himself to me. He would always finish pretty quickly and afterwards we would spend the last few minutes talking about my school endeavors & his work life. It was with Jack that I realized my true talent: connecting with people. He noticed my attentiveness, my open mindedness, and true interest in human sexuality. Till this day, I still use my experience with Jack as a blueprint for how I interact with my customers today.
In a world of tube sites & porn subscriptions one thing that separates cam models is our ability to directly interact with people. Emotional connection and mental stimulation are important when it comes to all forms of sex, virtual or in-person. In a world where human connection and genuine interactions are becoming more rare, psychology tells us that we need these exact things to feel whole. Feeling guilty and empty after a sexual encounter should not be normalized and it is my firm belief that this feeling is so pervasive when it comes to the consumption of pornography because people actively work to separate feelings from the "performance". As am cam model I seek to reunite these two and show people that sex & emotional connections do still go hand in hand. I seek to show fans new & old that knowledge of both the human body and the human mind are imperative to sex & sexual intimacy.
So when people as me if I would have ever seen myself as a cam model five years ago I can say with honesty "No, but I'm not surprised". My path may be unconventional but my journey is the same. My dream has always been to help people and present myself in a way that is authentic. I get to be naked while doing that, well I say it's a win-win.
*Names have been changed for privacy*